Ever since I was little I can remember listening to music. My parents always had music on. My Mom's favorites were Elvis, The Righteous Brothers, Jimi Hendrix (vacuuming music she used to say), Bobby Goldsboro, Dan Folgerburg, John Denver, Neil Diamond, Ricky Nelson, and the like. My Dad on the other hand was more for AC/DC, Def Leppard, Led Zeppelin, Rush, Van Halen, Black Sabbath, Ozzy, Metallica, Guns and Roses, and lots of other rock and roll. In between we always had church music, a little country, and classical too. As the years have rolled on I am still a fan of many of these, plus a lot more country and pop too. Brandon is always surprised when we turn on the radio and I usually always know the song that is playing no matter the station. He likes to play that game with me. He even surprises me now with old old old country that he knows that I have never heard of like Dwight Yokum. When I am at home I either have the ipod playing or the TV on just for some background noise. I can't stand it when it is silent in the house. Brandon used to think it was kind of weird till he got used to it at my Mom's house because it is the same there. I always take in music. If I hear a good song on the radio I always try to remember what it is called so I can buy it later on. It doesn't have to be a specific kind of music. Sometimes in classical music I can feel a pick up, or a pause, or something and that just touches me. A lot of the time I listen for what the singer is trying to get across to me. Anyways, I heard a song a while ago and just barely bought it because it touched my heart so much. I am in tears everytime I hear it because it reminds me of something that I keep so close in my heart. I wanted to share with all of you a story. It is a story that started 3 years ago. It is one that I have only shared with my husband and my Mom in so many ways. The details might be few but I guess I am just ready to share it with you. For anyone else who might be going through something so difficult that they don't know what to do maybe this will touch you as well. Three years ago we had a little boy, McCoy. He was perfect and such a blessing that I needed at that very moment. During the first year of his life we found that he wasn't eating properly, he wasn't growing hardly at all, and the older he got the more we were noticing things about his developement. After many talks with our pediatrician at the time he finally sent us to Primary Children's Medical Center for some answers. On the drive the the hospital I remember looking at McCoy and just thinking maybe they could suggest some growth hormone that would help him grow and then he would be fine. We met with a specialist who walked into the room before ever seeing McCoy face to face and told us that McCoy was diagnosed with a rare syndrom called Kabuki Syndrom. I really can't remember what was said after that because I really felt my heart drop to the floor as he told us about the characteristics that kids have with this syndrom. They didn't grow, a lot are deaf or hard of hearing, a lot have failure to thrive, to grow, to eat. Some don't move around, some don't speak. As we were hearing this my heart started to pound so loud that I couldn't hear any more. The doctor asked us what questions we had and I remember looking at Brandon and seeing him ask questions but I couldn't hear what he said. I just kept telling myself that it wasn't true, "McCoy was fine, the doctor didn't know McCoy, they didn't run tests, he is fine, it isn't true, he is perfect." We got out to the car and as soon as I sat down I thought I felt my heart break into pieces. I hurried and called my Mom and told her as fast as I could what the doctor said and just felt myself losing it as we talked. Even now as I type about this my throat closes off and tears are in my eyes. I went through a stage of denying that anything was wrong. McCoy had to go through a number of MRI, CT scans, hearing tests, and lots of doctor visits. During that time I still wasn't willing to admit to myself and accept that McCoy had Kabuki Syndrom. After a lot of the tests came back showing things were fine we were still dealing with a lot of ear infections. After tubes were placed the ENT doctor ran a hearing test on McCoy and told us that he didn't think McCoy could hear and sent us back to Primary's for what is called an ABR test. Through that test we got the results a few days later and found out McCoy's hearing was severe/moderate. Again, my heart ached thinking about hearing aids, kids and parents staring at my little perfect son. I just didn't want to accept it. As time has gone by my perspective has changed and I have begun to heal. I have begun to accept, even when it is hard because I see him doing so many things. I still have to be careful of letting my mind wander and controlling my thoughts. I fall apart sometimes and Brandon is always there to remind me that McCoy is perfect. He is doing so much better than even the doctor thought. Through the help of early intervention, hearing aids, family support, doctors, prayer, scripture study, faith, hope, and a little boy who just doesn't know the word, "can't." He is growing up so well. His eating is great. He doesn't chow down but he will eat almost anything we put infront of him. He is walking, talking, developing, and in a few weeks will be attending pre-school. Like I said the ache is still there, the worry is ever present in the back of my head, but I keep it going, one day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. This song has touched my heart. Every time I hear it it reminds me that I am stronger than I think. That our Heavenly Father doesn't give us something we can't handle. I will share the words with you, but if you get a chance to listen to the song it is so much better. For anyone who is going through something they just don't think they can handle I hope you feel the strength in this song that I feel every time I listen to it. We were not built to break. This song is by Whitney Houston.

I Didn't Know My Own Strength

Lost touch with my soul, I had no where to turn, I had nowhere to go.

Lost sight of my dream. Thought it would be the end of me.

I thought I'd never make it through, I had no hope to hold on to.

I thought I would break.

I didn't know my own strength.

And I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I didn't not crumble.

I got through all the pain.

I didn't know my own strength.

So in my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive.

I picked myself back up, hold my head up high.

I was not built to break.

I didn't know my own strength.

Found hope in my heart. I found the light to life, my way out of the dark.

Found all that I need.... Here inside of me.

I thought I'd never find my way, I thought I'd never lift that weight.

I thought I would break.

I didn't know my own strength.

And I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble.

I got through all the pain.

I didn't know my own strength.

So in my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive.

I pick myself back up, hold my head up high.

I was not built to break.

I didn't know my own strength.

There were so many times I wondered how I would get through the night.

I thought I took all that I could take.

I didn't know my own strength.

And I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble.

I got through all the pain.

I didn't know my own strength.

My faith kept me alive. I pick myself back up, I hold my head up high.

I was not built to break. I didn't know my own strength.

I was not built to break.

I got to know my own strength.